Dear Sean-
Remember the time that my Visiting Teaching Companion brought some treats to my house to have me take them to the girls I visit teach? It really is a funny story. The treats never actually made it to the intended recipients because it ended up that someone ate them before I could deliver them. I'm not sure exactly who ate them, but I think it might have been me.
You might be wondering why I am telling you this. Well, funny enough, it has happened again, and in the repeat performance, you play a significant role. In the new version, you are the Visiting Teaching Companion, and I am...well, I am still me. The treats in question are these really yummy Christmas cookies that you brought over to my house. You brought some for me, which were delicious, some for Maren, which I gave to her, and some for Luke, which were delicious.
I am writing this letter to apologize. But it might be a little bit your fault. We have been friends for quite awhile, and during this time, you should have realized that I cannot be trusted around cookies. I had to give Maren's to her immediately because after I ate the first cookie out of my bag, I knew the rest of the cookies were not safe. I didn't see Luke until tonight, which is like a week and a half after the cookies were delivered. They really didn't have a chance...especially because they were gone three days ago.
Please don't be mad. I have a problem. I know it. I think admitting it is the first step to recovery. I actually used to have a three cookie a day addiction. It took me awhile to get over it, and having all those cookies staring me in the face was just too much. I'm an addict, and you provided me with the drugs.
I told Luke about the cookies tonight. He convinced me that I should tell you. Actually, he told me that if I didn't tell you, he would tell you. I think it is better that it came from me. I really am sorry, and I'll try not to let it happen again. But it might happen again. And I'll be sorry then too.
Sincerely,
Your very favorite Cookie Monster,
Nicole
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Adding Machine
I am an accountant. What does that mean? It means that I count. As part of that skill set, I can also add. In fact, I can add like a maniac. Especially when you give me a 10-key. In fact, if there was a fastest adding contest between me and you, I would totally take you down.
A few years ago, my nephew Spencer was at Tithing Settlement with his parents, and the Bishop asked him if he had any questions. Spencer is clever. And he almost always has something to say. Unless you want him to say something, and then he will say nothing. Well, Spencer had a question. He asked "What is one plus one?". Spencer knew the answer, he was just checking that the Bishop also knew the answer. I am pretty sure the Bishop answered that one plus one equals two.
Well, this answer is both right and wrong. If I have one spoon and then a guest comes over and wants some soup, and I go and buy another spoon for the guest, then I have two spoons. In this case, one plus one equals two. (Can you tell that I had soup for dinner?)
About six weeks ago, I started drinking only one Diet Coke a day. In this case, one plus one always equals one. I think it is completely logical. Shockingly, I have discussed this with quite a few people who simply don't agree with me. They think my adding skills are faulty. I don't want to embarrass anyone, but apparently some people-Heidi, Susie, Judy, maybe Stephanie, possibly my mom, my niece Alli-don't understand basic Diet Coke accounting.
I drink my one Diet Coke at lunch. If I am at home for lunch, I get two cans of Diet Coke. Each can is 10 ounces. If I went to the convenience store and purchased a Diet Coke, I would probably choose something in the 24-32 ounce range. So, two Diet Coke's consumed at home is actually less than one, and doesn't even come close to breaking my Diet Coke rule. If I go out to lunch, I get my one fountain Diet Coke (which really is the best Diet Coke to drink). I fill my cup 3/4 of the way with ice...because who doesn't like an icy Diet Coke? Then I drink it as I eat lunch. On my way out the door, I refill my cup with a little more ice, and then top of the soda. I have technically only had 1/2 a Diet Coke because my cup was always 3/4 ice and 1/4 soda. If I was cheating I could have another 1/2 later on. But I am nothing if not honest. And logical.
I think my sisters, mother, nieces, friends, etc. should really learn to respect those three letters behind my name...CPA. I am a certified expert in adding. I might possibly be a certified expert in creative adding. Which is sometimes called creative accounting. Which doesn't really have a negative connotation, right? There is no need to worry unless I start talking about offshore Diet Coke accounting. Or if I have to borrow a Diet Coke from my neighbor to repay a Diet Coke to a friend who loaned me a Diet Coke as an investment. Then I might be turning into the Diet Coke accountant for Enron or Bernie Madoff. If it does come to that, which it might, please remind me that technically one plus one, in most situations, except for a very select few, really does equal two.
A few years ago, my nephew Spencer was at Tithing Settlement with his parents, and the Bishop asked him if he had any questions. Spencer is clever. And he almost always has something to say. Unless you want him to say something, and then he will say nothing. Well, Spencer had a question. He asked "What is one plus one?". Spencer knew the answer, he was just checking that the Bishop also knew the answer. I am pretty sure the Bishop answered that one plus one equals two.
Well, this answer is both right and wrong. If I have one spoon and then a guest comes over and wants some soup, and I go and buy another spoon for the guest, then I have two spoons. In this case, one plus one equals two. (Can you tell that I had soup for dinner?)
About six weeks ago, I started drinking only one Diet Coke a day. In this case, one plus one always equals one. I think it is completely logical. Shockingly, I have discussed this with quite a few people who simply don't agree with me. They think my adding skills are faulty. I don't want to embarrass anyone, but apparently some people-Heidi, Susie, Judy, maybe Stephanie, possibly my mom, my niece Alli-don't understand basic Diet Coke accounting.
I drink my one Diet Coke at lunch. If I am at home for lunch, I get two cans of Diet Coke. Each can is 10 ounces. If I went to the convenience store and purchased a Diet Coke, I would probably choose something in the 24-32 ounce range. So, two Diet Coke's consumed at home is actually less than one, and doesn't even come close to breaking my Diet Coke rule. If I go out to lunch, I get my one fountain Diet Coke (which really is the best Diet Coke to drink). I fill my cup 3/4 of the way with ice...because who doesn't like an icy Diet Coke? Then I drink it as I eat lunch. On my way out the door, I refill my cup with a little more ice, and then top of the soda. I have technically only had 1/2 a Diet Coke because my cup was always 3/4 ice and 1/4 soda. If I was cheating I could have another 1/2 later on. But I am nothing if not honest. And logical.
I think my sisters, mother, nieces, friends, etc. should really learn to respect those three letters behind my name...CPA. I am a certified expert in adding. I might possibly be a certified expert in creative adding. Which is sometimes called creative accounting. Which doesn't really have a negative connotation, right? There is no need to worry unless I start talking about offshore Diet Coke accounting. Or if I have to borrow a Diet Coke from my neighbor to repay a Diet Coke to a friend who loaned me a Diet Coke as an investment. Then I might be turning into the Diet Coke accountant for Enron or Bernie Madoff. If it does come to that, which it might, please remind me that technically one plus one, in most situations, except for a very select few, really does equal two.
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