My birthday was yesterday. I am thirty. I feel like maybe I am transitioning into a new phase of life. But today, I want to discuss a different kind of transition. The transition lens.
Transition lenses provide "healthy sight in every light", and wearing them probably does provide some kind of protection for our eyes, but there is a very disturbing side effect of wearing them. I like to call it the "Chester Molester" syndrome. You may be an upstanding citizen who contributes positively to society, but the transition lens makes everyone look, well, creepy. I think it is because the lens never really gets all the way clear. It stays a little gray all the time, and makes the wearer of the transition lens look sneaky.
I have only known a few people that have worn transition lenses, and everyone that I have known personally haven't been at all "Chester Molester". In fact, they have been very normal but obviously just made a bad choice in eye wear. (Steph- since my very favorite brother-in-law doesn't really read this, maybe you could just not tell him about this posting.)
Recently, I had an experience with a transition lens wearer. I was really more of an observer, but it made me wonder if sinister people choose to wear transition lenses to fit their personality or if the transition lens causes the sinisterness (is that even a word???). Maybe sinister is too harsh a word, I possibly should have chosen eerie, hair-raising, or menacing. (Can you tell I am using a thesaurus as to not use the word creepy too many times?)
The experience occurred in a Fast and Testimony Meeting. For anyone not aware of what this is, it is a meeting at my church where whoever wants to can stand up and share their feelings about the church/Jesus/Scriptures/etc. About half-way through the meeting, a guy walked into the back doors wearing a puffy coat and transition lenses. Once I saw the glasses, I knew we were in for trouble. He stood up and walked to the pulpit a few moments later, and his address went something like this:
"Hi, my name is Mark. I'm from the Rochester New York mission, and my mission president is my bishop. I'm a DJ. I just signed up to be a DJ last Friday, and my first gig is next week at SLCC. We are working to get some big acts to come to SLCC. We have contacted Miley Cyrus, and are working on getting her here." Yep, he gave a shout out to Miley Cyrus, but at least it wasn't Hannah Montana. He continued "I really like the University of Utah. You guys have really good dances here. I have recently contacted Radio Disney, and I am working on being sealed to Miley Cyrus."
Whoa. Two mentions of Miley Cyrus. CREEPY/SINISTER/EERIE!!!! I feel like someone should help him. I am pretty sure all it would take would be removal of the transition lenses. I think it would help him in all aspects of his life. It may even help him make some headway with Miley Cyrus.
