Let me start off by saying, I own a home. One word that no one ever uses to describe me is homeless. This alone should be enough to say that I've got some smarts. And, I think most people would assume that I have got more smarts than the average homeless person. Prior to this weekend, I would have agreed with those people.
On Thursday afternoon, I arrived in the Oakland airport, and proceeded to find the Air BART that would take me to the BART that would take me to San Francisco. I did my research. I knew how to get from airport to hotel. I was prepared. And, I was prepared because I am smart.
I got off the BART, and looked around and felt slightly overwhelmed when a homeless man approached me and asked me where I was going. I told him, and he pulled out a map and directed me on how to get there. Good thing Maren was with me because I was out of small bills and didn't have any money to give him. He was very helpful, and very smart. He was offering a needed service at a very reasonable price. That price being free for me...sorry Maren.
I had quite a few things planned while in San Francisco, and so again, I planned ahead, and looked up how to get where I needed to go using the public transportation available to me. The first night, it worked out pretty well. We got on the right bus, made it to Alcatraz, no problem. Well, just one problem...neither Maren nor I had exact change, so we ended up spending an extra dollar on bus fare than we needed to. On this bus, there was a smelly guy who got on right after we did. He spent the bus ride talking to himself. I also noticed that he didn't have very many teeth. A minute after he sat down, he stood back up and asked the driver for a transfer, and the driver handed him a transfer ticket.
We got back to our hotel later that night by just taking the same bus route but in the opposite direction. Again, no problem, other than the "exact change" sign still alluded us, so another dollar was lost.
I was feeling like a pro. I could get anywhere in this city. Maren figured out how to buy a Muni pass, so our exact change problem was solved. I was ready to go. And then, everything fell apart. No buses came when they were supposed to, the cable cars were always full, and we spent a lot of time walking around looking for the right bus stop (for buses that never came).
While riding on a bus that I hoped was going to drop me off somewhere close to my hotel, I saw a homeless guy on the bus who wasn't wearing any shoes. He pulled the cord for the stop he wanted and got off the bus.
How is this possible? On two separate occasions, I saw homeless people navigating a public transportation system that I could not for the life of me figure out. I am a college graduate, I have a CPA license, and above all, I have a home! I was being schooled in the field of public transportation by people who didn't have the know how to put on a pair of shoes or brush their teeth. This is not fair. How can I not be smarter than a homeless person? They can get on and off the bus at the appropriate stops, they have the right amount of money, they know how to transfer to a new bus...free of charge!!!! I can do none of this!!! I guess I will just have to take comfort that my teeth get brushed at least twice a day, and I definitely know how to put on shoes. Maybe I have to give these things up in order for the public transportation secrets to be made known to me. I'm not sure it's worth it.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Queen of Quarters
Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. I think this could be my mantra. I should chant this while meditating. I guess in reality, my mantra should be "Find a quarter, pick it up...". This isn't because I feel unlucky, I just really, really like change, specifically silver change, and more specifically, quarters.
When I was kid, my parents owned a laundromat. Every Monday morning they would count all the quarters from the week before. They had to put all the quarters into $10 rolls. The number of times that the total amount of quarters came out to exactly a multiple of ten was pretty much never. The left over quarters stayed in "the tray" and became my spending money during the week. The weeks when there was $9.25 left over were awesome! I could ride my bike to Fast Eddies for penny candy, I could go to the BYU creamery with my friends for ice cream, and I could buy a cup of Kool-Aid from my neighbor's lemonade stand. Not all weeks were $9.25 weeks, sometimes there were weeks with only $1.50 left in quarters. Oh, the horror. During those weeks, I had to resort to using the meager amount of dimes and nickles leftover in the tray, or just play with my friends at the park, eat Popsicles out of the freezer, and use my imagination to keep me entertained. Times could be rough.
My love of quarters has only intensified as I have gotten older. In fact, it has caused me to do a few things that could be seen as possibly unseemly. Don't worry, its not like I'm involved in a secret underground quarter collecting society or anything. And, I'm not involved in an above ground quarter collecting society either. It's just, I'll do just about anything for quarters. I will pick up a quarter from the restroom floor at my gym. I won't even let my bare feet touch the floor when I'm changing my clothes at the gym, but I will put a bathroom floor quarter in my pocket, and I'll be excited about it. And, my friend Jen knows that four dollars in quarters will get me to do pretty much anything, (which sometimes leads to Hot Latin heartbreak).
Loose change is not safe around me. I'm serious! Do not leave spare change unguarded around me. I was in a friend's car a few months ago, and he was running into the store or something. I stayed in the car, and while he was gone, I obviously needed to find some "gum", right? I looked in the middle console, and what did I find? Gum. But, in the ashtray, jackpot! Full of change. I didn't take all of it. That would have been totally obvious. If I had taken all of it, when I got out of the car, my pockets and purse would have been jingling. I am way more sneaky than that. I probably took about $1.50 in quarters. But, I did fill up the coin slots in the middle console, so he would have easier access to change when needed. I think that was totally worth $1.50. In fact, he probably owes me about fifty cents, because I think it was at least $2.00 in effort.
I re-watched one of my favorite movies last weekend, and I had an epiphany! My love of quarters can be channelled into something positive. I am no longer going to let my love of quarters compromise my hygiene or turn me into a thief. I can turn this destructive quarter behavior into something positive....a video game world record! "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" is quite possibly one of the best movies ever made. I love love love it, and it has inspired me to channel my passion into something positive. This could change my life. I think I could have a shot at being the Master of Miss Pac Man. But, let this be a warning to everyone, do not leave your quarters unattended. Quarters are no longer just a want, now they are a need to help me attain my goal. And to accomplish a goal, theft is totally justifiable.
When I was kid, my parents owned a laundromat. Every Monday morning they would count all the quarters from the week before. They had to put all the quarters into $10 rolls. The number of times that the total amount of quarters came out to exactly a multiple of ten was pretty much never. The left over quarters stayed in "the tray" and became my spending money during the week. The weeks when there was $9.25 left over were awesome! I could ride my bike to Fast Eddies for penny candy, I could go to the BYU creamery with my friends for ice cream, and I could buy a cup of Kool-Aid from my neighbor's lemonade stand. Not all weeks were $9.25 weeks, sometimes there were weeks with only $1.50 left in quarters. Oh, the horror. During those weeks, I had to resort to using the meager amount of dimes and nickles leftover in the tray, or just play with my friends at the park, eat Popsicles out of the freezer, and use my imagination to keep me entertained. Times could be rough.
My love of quarters has only intensified as I have gotten older. In fact, it has caused me to do a few things that could be seen as possibly unseemly. Don't worry, its not like I'm involved in a secret underground quarter collecting society or anything. And, I'm not involved in an above ground quarter collecting society either. It's just, I'll do just about anything for quarters. I will pick up a quarter from the restroom floor at my gym. I won't even let my bare feet touch the floor when I'm changing my clothes at the gym, but I will put a bathroom floor quarter in my pocket, and I'll be excited about it. And, my friend Jen knows that four dollars in quarters will get me to do pretty much anything, (which sometimes leads to Hot Latin heartbreak).
Loose change is not safe around me. I'm serious! Do not leave spare change unguarded around me. I was in a friend's car a few months ago, and he was running into the store or something. I stayed in the car, and while he was gone, I obviously needed to find some "gum", right? I looked in the middle console, and what did I find? Gum. But, in the ashtray, jackpot! Full of change. I didn't take all of it. That would have been totally obvious. If I had taken all of it, when I got out of the car, my pockets and purse would have been jingling. I am way more sneaky than that. I probably took about $1.50 in quarters. But, I did fill up the coin slots in the middle console, so he would have easier access to change when needed. I think that was totally worth $1.50. In fact, he probably owes me about fifty cents, because I think it was at least $2.00 in effort.
I re-watched one of my favorite movies last weekend, and I had an epiphany! My love of quarters can be channelled into something positive. I am no longer going to let my love of quarters compromise my hygiene or turn me into a thief. I can turn this destructive quarter behavior into something positive....a video game world record! "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" is quite possibly one of the best movies ever made. I love love love it, and it has inspired me to channel my passion into something positive. This could change my life. I think I could have a shot at being the Master of Miss Pac Man. But, let this be a warning to everyone, do not leave your quarters unattended. Quarters are no longer just a want, now they are a need to help me attain my goal. And to accomplish a goal, theft is totally justifiable.
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