I’ve been practicing my fighting words. I really have. Ask anyone. But today, when I really needed them…they failed me.
A few months ago, I was in a kind of, sort of, argument. Argument might even be a bit strong, perhaps it could be called a heated discussion. This incident ended with me saying “it goes both ways”. In the heat of the moment, those were my fighting words. Yep, that’s all I had in me. I have told a few people this story, and when I get to the end, I’m always embarrassed that I didn’t have something better to say. Not because I wanted to say anything mean to someone else, but for the story’s sake, there could have been a much bigger ending…something like “yeah, well you smell!” or maybe “watch out, your’re going down, D-O-W-N, down!”. Wouldn’t that be so much better? For sure it would be so much funnier.
I went on a camping trip with my sister and her family over Labor Day. Stop laughing…I can camp (especially when there is a camper with a shower involved). Anyway, this is really where I started practicing and perfecting my fighting words. One afternoon I was sitting next to Rachel, my niece’s friend, and she pretended that she was going to flick a bug on me. Trouble. Bugs are not my thing. So what did I do? I poked her on the arm and used my best and most practiced fighting phrase…I hate your stinking guts! I know that sounds a little harsh…it was only a pretend bug. Actually, I think it was a real bug. But just a pretend flick. Anyway, it’s not as bad as it sounds, and when I say it, I kind of sounds like either a four year-old who is stamping her foot because she doesn’t want to eat broccoli or a cartoon villain with a deep, slightly mechanical voice. That way, no one stays mad at me too long after the fighting words are said.
After this episode, Rachel introduced me to some really good fighting words that I have since been practicing. You are ruining my life!!! Awesome, right? My first opportunity to legitimately use my fighting words was today, and instead, silence. So lame.
I have been interviewing for a new job for quite a while. I first interviewed last January and then started interviewing again in August. Continued to interview in September, and finally got an offer in the middle of September. I am starting my new job on November 1st, so my plan was to tell my bosses on October 15th. That way I could have a week or so after the tax deadline to clean up my desk, finalize some projects with clients, and feel like I had some closure.
Most of the people in my office knew of my plan. I know this sounds kind of dumb if I was trying to keep this from my bosses, but I really trust the people I work with. I feel a real sense of loyalty to them, and I think they feel the same toward me. There were a few people besides my bosses that I didn’t tell, but through eavesdropping, they caught onto me. I was a little concerned when I realized they knew, but I still thought they wouldn’t betray me and would be able to keep the news to themselves just out of respect for me.
Nope. I was wrong. You know what did me in. Business cards. My co-worker felt the need to tell my boss I was planning on quitting because she was getting ready to order new business cards for the office. How much do business cards cost? Is it really worth being the office tattle tell? Apparently it is. When I realized this is what had happened, I wanted to have an interaction similar to the camping interaction shared above. The poke would probably be replaced with a slap, the words would have been the same, but the tone would be more snotty teenager, less stubborn preschooler.
Instead, I said nothing. I am just practicing my silent treatment skills because I am so mad that if I actually speak to her I might really use legitimate fighting words. Because of her, I won’t be working until the end of October, I will only be there for another week. There is only one more week, and that week will define how I end up feeling about my whole experience at Daines Goodwin. So hopefully instead of focusing on how much I don’t like what this person has done to me, I will be focused on crazy clients and everyday office shenanigans. Hopefully.
I still might really want to stamp my foot and say the following very profound words, as first spoken by the little rascal Alphalpha….”I hate your stinking guts! You make me vomit! You are the scum between my toes!...Love, Nicole”.
