The List

As a thirty year old single woman, I have had quite a bit of time to shape my "list".  Every single girl has a list; we all want someone who is smart & funny & understanding & kind, etc. etc. etc.  My particular list has some unique items on it.

When I was a freshman in college (and pretty much through my junior year), I dated a boy who I thought I could marry.  As things were coming to a close, I knew it wasn't going to work out when I asked him what his favorite restaurant was.  His response was Sconecutter.  Sconecutter.  Yep, Sconecutter...as his very favorite restaurant.  I knew it was over.  And onto my "list" went "#1: Good taste in food (not a picky eater)."

Recently, this item has softened a bit, and perhaps become less important.  But, there is an item on my list that will never change in importance.  It is a major issue and will never move out of the top three.  No, it's not money, religion, or age.  It is cats.  Any man who likes cats enough to want to own one, ever, is automatically off my list.  I prefer someone who hates cats, but I would take someone who just dislikes them enough that there is a guarantee he will never own one.

***Side note: Freshman boyfriend really liked, even loved, cats.  I should have known from the get go it wasn't going to work.  This would have saved some heartache and tears (that were plentiful) after our three-ish year relationship ended.***

The other day I was playing a little game of "would you rather".  You know the game.  It's the one where you have two absurd options, and you have to pick the one "you would rather" have happen.  The question came up of "would you rather marry someone who had a cat or someone who was illiterate?"  I didn't even have to think before answering.  I would obviously rather marry someone who was illiterate.  Really.  I would.

Some of you may say that this is crazy or illogical.  But I disagree.  I love to read, and I think I could teach someone not only to read, but to love to read.  I would totally be a hero!  I would be improving someone's life by leaps and bounds.  He would appreciate me forever.  I would have given him the gift of literacy!  See, only good things would come from me marrying someone who is illiterate.

On the other hand, how do you teach someone to hate cats?  I would be a villain, and he would resent me every time he saw a cat.  He would reprimand me for swerving my car to hit a street crossing cat.  (Relax, I'm kidding.)  Only bad things can come from being involved with a cat lover.

I think I would have a more successful dating life it I start passing out my "list" to potential mates.

1.  Hates cats
2.  Weighs more than me
3.  Likes to travel
4.  Will wash my car
5.  Illiterate

Sadly, my perfect match won't be able to read it.


 

Going Postal

A couple of weeks ago, I was meeting with my boss about my yearly goals.  One of my goals is to increase my network of female professionals to potentially drive referral clients.  I admit that I am not that thrilled about this goal, and when I completed my outline of goals, this one only begrudgingly made the list.  It was actually a "suggested" goal from my boss that I typed up based on his hand written notes.  When I was typing it, I must not have been paying too much attention because for some reason, female was spelled femail.  I didn't notice until my boss circled it and started laughing hysterically.  Yes, hysteria, over femail vs. female.  Maybe I was trying to increase my network of female mail carriers, and I was abbreviating with femail.  Just wait until I am the "go to" tax girl for all mail women.  Who will be laughing then?