Adding Machine

I am an accountant.  What does that mean?  It means that I count.  As part of that skill set, I can also add.  In fact, I can add like a maniac.  Especially when you give me a 10-key.  In fact, if there was a fastest adding contest between me and you, I would totally take you down. 
A few years ago, my nephew Spencer was at Tithing Settlement with his parents, and the Bishop asked him if he had any questions.  Spencer is clever.  And he almost always has something to say.  Unless you want him to say something, and then he will say nothing.  Well, Spencer had a question.  He asked "What is one plus one?".  Spencer knew the answer, he was just checking that the Bishop also knew the answer.  I am pretty sure the Bishop answered that one plus one equals two.
Well, this answer is both right and wrong.  If I have one spoon and then a guest comes over and wants some soup, and I go and buy another spoon for the guest, then I have two spoons.  In this case, one plus one equals two.  (Can you tell that I had soup for dinner?)
About six weeks ago, I started drinking only one Diet Coke a day.  In this case, one plus one always equals one.  I think it is completely logical.  Shockingly, I have discussed this with quite a few people who simply don't agree with me.  They think my adding skills are faulty.  I don't want to embarrass anyone,  but apparently some people-Heidi, Susie, Judy, maybe Stephanie, possibly my mom, my niece Alli-don't understand basic Diet Coke accounting.
I drink my one Diet Coke at lunch.  If I am at home for lunch, I get two cans of Diet Coke.  Each can is 10 ounces.  If I went to the convenience store and purchased a Diet Coke, I would probably choose something in the 24-32 ounce range.  So, two Diet Coke's consumed at home is actually less than one, and doesn't even come close to breaking my Diet Coke rule.  If I go out to lunch, I get my one fountain Diet Coke (which really is the best Diet Coke to drink).  I fill my cup 3/4 of the way with ice...because who doesn't like an icy Diet Coke?  Then I drink it as I eat lunch.  On my way out the door, I refill my cup with a little more ice, and then top of the soda.  I have technically only had 1/2 a Diet Coke because my cup was always 3/4 ice and 1/4 soda.  If I was cheating I could have another 1/2 later on.  But I am nothing if not honest.  And logical.
I think my sisters, mother, nieces, friends, etc. should really learn to respect those three letters behind my name...CPA.  I am a certified expert in adding.  I might possibly be a certified expert in creative adding.  Which is sometimes called creative accounting.  Which doesn't really have a negative connotation, right?  There is no need to worry unless I start  talking about offshore Diet Coke accounting.  Or if I have to borrow a Diet Coke from my neighbor to repay a Diet Coke to a friend who loaned me a Diet Coke as an investment.  Then I might be turning into the Diet Coke accountant for Enron or Bernie Madoff.  If it does come to that, which it might, please remind me that technically one plus one, in most situations, except for a very select few, really does equal two.