My assistant Andrew

I have a hilarious assistant named Andrew. Last year, on my birthday, he put my stapler in jello with a note that said "World's Best Boss". This year, on April Fools Day, he covered up the optical sensor on my mouse with a note that said "Happy April Fools Day". Funny pranks are only one of his many great talents, and today I learned about another one of Andrew's talents.

Andrew has an amazing skill that he can say any word backwards. I realize that anyone who can read can probably do this, but Andrew can do it immediately. It is awesome. Any word that you give him, he can pronounce it with the letters in reverse. Some of the words we tested him on are as follow:

Werdna=Andrew
Ecitcarp=Practice
Tnelat=Talent
Htaeh=Heath (Heath is my boss's name)

I am not kidding when I say that he can reverse these words immediately. He does not spend even five seconds reorganizing the letters in his mind before he says the word. He does say that the pronunciation is subjective, like we would discount this skill if we thought he should pronouce something differently.

Werdna si taerg!

Web of lies

I have this friend, and for the sake of anonymity, we will call him Bruce. Bruce and I have been talking about going to a cycling class at the gym together. It really hasn't worked out, and we have never been able to go. Last night, we kind of talked about going to the 9:00 class, and I told him that I thought I might be able to make it. Basically, I didn't say no, but I knew in my head that I probably wouldn't go.
Today, I sent Bruce the following text: "Cycling was great. Where were you?". Harmless, right? Well, Bruce sent me a text saying he was late for the class so he ended up going to cardio cinema at another gym. He said he felt bad that we didn't meet up. I said that it was okay, and maybe we could go on another day.
So far this is not a huge deal, other than I made someone feel bad for no reason, and I sent a follow up text saying how great the class was, and that he really missed out, therefore continuing and expanding the original lie. Bruce is going to the cycling class tonight, and asked if I wanted to go. I honestly can't go because I am playing tennis, but when I said this to him, I told him I was playing tennis at 8. Well cycling is from 6 to 7, so if I was playing tennis at 8, I could make it to the 6 o'clock cycling class. I had to text Bruce back and say that I was actually playing tennis at 6, which is true, but now it sounds like a lie to get me out of going to cycling.
I have started down this path of lies, and now my lies sound like truth and my truth sounds like a lie. I need to stop this before it gets out of hand! But, have you ever seen a really intricate spider web? Sometimes they are really cool, and maybe if I lie about enough stuff my web of lies could be really cool too.

Finding Love at the Gym

Last night I was at the gym running on the treadmill, and in order to stay entertained when I run, I frequently people watch. You never really know what you will see at the gym. Last night, I saw a guy leaving the gym with a perfectly manicured faux hawk, and I thought, he probably didn't really work out, but he probably did find some "hot chicks". I always think it is funny to watch guys flex in the mirror, and there was definitely some of that going on. But, the funniest thing was two people who could not contain their love for each other, even while hot and sweaty at the gym.

I don't know about everyone else, but I can't imagine anything grosser than being hot and sticky and then having someone put their arms around me. Yuck. Well, these two were working out on one of the weight machines directly in front of my treadmill, and every five seconds they would kiss. Then, they just stood by the machine and started kissing very passionately. They guy had his arms all the way around the girl for a few minutes. This is right in the middle of the gym!

Anyone who knows me knows that my face does not hide anything. I had a look of pure disgust on my face. I just couldn't look away. It was like a horrible accident that you don't want to see, but you eyes are just drawn to it. Well, the boy involved in this public makeout session looked over toward me and saw the look on my face. I don't think he was even embarrassed, but he took his girlfriend's hand and they walked to a machine a little farther away. I was grateful, but since I had lost my entertainment, I stopped my treadmill and headed home.

I think that might be one of my tests of true love...do I still find him attractive when we have both just worked out and are very stinky. Don't worry, I will never love someone enough to let him makeout with me at the gym.

The Rejector Has Left the Building

Happy Day and Hallelujah! My rejector has moved to another state. I said my final goodbye last night. I wanted it to be a high-five, but as I put up one hand, he extended both of his, so he could hug me. Oh well, at least I don't have to do it again. As I was walking to my car, I started thinking about what I had contributed to our relationship, and what he had contributed. Here is what I came up with...

My contributions to him:
I took him to the airport
I fixed a throw pillow from his couch
I listened to him talk endlessly about buying a new car, which he never actually purchased
I watched a couple of homemade movies that he thought were really cool
I listened to his analysis about various relationships he had been in

His contributions to me:
He publicly insulted me over the pulpit in sacrament meeting
He told me that my favorite hobby was lame
He made fun of a talk I gave in sacrament meeting
He faux rejected me (see earlier post)

Somehow, I think he got the better end of the deal. Note to self, don't let this happen again.