Yesterday, I was driving to Costco with a couple of coworkers, and I made a comment about how I hate to drive behind trucks that have ladders coming out of the truck bed. I am always worried that the ladder might fly out of the truck and come through my window. Andrew asked if it was only ladders that I was afraid of, or if I was afraid of all objects in truck beds that could fly out and hit me. It is only ladders. I think this is rational. A ladder has two poky ends that could potentially hit you square in the forehead and kill you instantly...If one side misses you, the other is bound to hit you...right? Also, if both of the poky ends miss you, it probably means that the ladder decapitated you because the poky ends are on either side of your head, and the step that connects them has cut off your head. Morbid, I realize, but I also think pretty useful information in avoiding a potentially deadly situation! Because of this fear, I almost always change lanes or slow down if I see a truck/ladder combination ahead of me.
The other night, a bunch of us were at Summerfest in Orem, and I divulged another of my irrational fears. When I was young, for sure younger than ten, but probably older than four, I had a fear of getting taller. I know that sounds totally crazy, but I think I was very analytical for a kid, and at the time, it was rational. When I was young, I wasn't very coordinated...and I guess that is probably still true, but I would frequently trip or stumble, and on occasion fall completely over. When I was little, I probably wasn't more than four feet tall....hence the fact I was little. Falling over wasn't fun then, and I was worried that when I grew tall, like six feet, it would be less fun and hurt more. I totally think this is a fear that, at the time, made sense. I have gotten over it though. Since I stopped growing when I reached the towering height of 5'4", I have consistently purchased very tall shoes. My current favorite pair is 5" snake skin print heels, and I wear them with no fear, and I even relish the fact that they make me 5'9"!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Results from Lessons Learned in Kindergarten
My friend Luke invited me to a barbecue at his house this weekend. He lives in Sugarhouse, and I thought that this would be a good opportunity to preview what my new social life might be like when I move to Salt Lake. I went by myself, which made me kind of nervous because it is always horrible to be at a party or some sort of gathering and look around and realize there is no one for you to talk to.
I arrived at his house around 8:30, and I saw that the back gate was open, so I headed directly to the backyard. I looked around for Luke and saw him sitting with a group of people fairly close to the grill. The deal with this barbecue was that you had to bring your own food to grill and bring sides to share with everyone else. I put my kabobs on the grill and started chatting with Luke and a couple of his friends. My food was almost ready, so I went inside to find a plate and fork, but by the time I got back, Luke had left his original post and was standing on the other side of the yard.
I honestly didn't know anyone besides Luke and his brother Heber at this barbecue, and I was a little nervous that I would feel so awkward and make up some excuse to leave early. Well, I got my food off the grill, and found an unoccupied chair in a circle with a bunch of people I had never met. I'm sure they looked at me wondering who I was, and what I was doing there. It isn't that they weren't nice, but they didn't know me, so they really didn't have any way to involve me in their conversation.
I was feeling really lame, and then I remembered...I had brought two bags of candy with me as my "side". Lessons from kindergarten kicked in...if you share your candy, people will be your friends. I found a great moment to break into the conversation when one of the girls was talking about shoes, and then I pulled out my secret weapon, Sour Patch Kids.
I opened the bag of candy while we were discussing shoes. I ate a few pieces, and then asked if anyone else wanted some. A few people took me up on my offer, and then they asked me what my name was. It was like magic. Then I broke out the Kookaburra Licorice, and things really took off. I ended up judging a whistle off in which three people whistled "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britany Spears, and I helped choose the best whistler. I also learned how to whistle by cupping my hands together and blowing into my thumbs, and I met someone who had seen one of my favorite movies--"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", and no one has seen that movie. I had tons of fun!
I got ready to leave a little before 11:00, but before I left, I went looking for Luke to say goodbye. I hadn't seen him in over an hour, but I still said thanks for the invitation because I had a really good time.
Over the course of the evening, my new friend Cory, or Cody, or something like that, kept telling me he didn't want any more Sour Patch Kids, but every few minutes he would reach over and take some from the bag. We all know that we should share our toys, but if you want your friends to keep coming back, it helps if you have an addictive sour coating.
I arrived at his house around 8:30, and I saw that the back gate was open, so I headed directly to the backyard. I looked around for Luke and saw him sitting with a group of people fairly close to the grill. The deal with this barbecue was that you had to bring your own food to grill and bring sides to share with everyone else. I put my kabobs on the grill and started chatting with Luke and a couple of his friends. My food was almost ready, so I went inside to find a plate and fork, but by the time I got back, Luke had left his original post and was standing on the other side of the yard.
I honestly didn't know anyone besides Luke and his brother Heber at this barbecue, and I was a little nervous that I would feel so awkward and make up some excuse to leave early. Well, I got my food off the grill, and found an unoccupied chair in a circle with a bunch of people I had never met. I'm sure they looked at me wondering who I was, and what I was doing there. It isn't that they weren't nice, but they didn't know me, so they really didn't have any way to involve me in their conversation.
I was feeling really lame, and then I remembered...I had brought two bags of candy with me as my "side". Lessons from kindergarten kicked in...if you share your candy, people will be your friends. I found a great moment to break into the conversation when one of the girls was talking about shoes, and then I pulled out my secret weapon, Sour Patch Kids.
I opened the bag of candy while we were discussing shoes. I ate a few pieces, and then asked if anyone else wanted some. A few people took me up on my offer, and then they asked me what my name was. It was like magic. Then I broke out the Kookaburra Licorice, and things really took off. I ended up judging a whistle off in which three people whistled "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britany Spears, and I helped choose the best whistler. I also learned how to whistle by cupping my hands together and blowing into my thumbs, and I met someone who had seen one of my favorite movies--"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", and no one has seen that movie. I had tons of fun!
I got ready to leave a little before 11:00, but before I left, I went looking for Luke to say goodbye. I hadn't seen him in over an hour, but I still said thanks for the invitation because I had a really good time.
Over the course of the evening, my new friend Cory, or Cody, or something like that, kept telling me he didn't want any more Sour Patch Kids, but every few minutes he would reach over and take some from the bag. We all know that we should share our toys, but if you want your friends to keep coming back, it helps if you have an addictive sour coating.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I'm the sun, so back off
It's been awhile since I last blogged because I haven't really had anything bloggable happen to me. The following event wouldn't normally be bloggable, but lately I have been a little on edge with stress and a lot of big decisions, so a normal non-event got me a little more worked up than it should have.
A friend and I had planned to meet at Kiwanis Park at 9:30 tonight to play tennis. I got there a couple of minutes late, and I didn't see her there. I did see that all three courts were already full, and I could see at least three sets of people waiting to play. Obviously the chance of us getting a court in the next 30 minutes or so was slim to none. While I was assessing the situation, someone from one of the courts walked up the hill to my car. I unrolled my window, and he asked if I could turn off my headlights because they were interfering with the tennis game on the courts below. I happily turned my lights off.
At this point, I called my friend, and she said she was on her way. While we were discussing the situation, the same person walked back up the hill and again asked me to turn off my lights. Well, my car has daytime running lights, and while I am sure there is some way, I don't know how to turn them off. There is not an "off" or "auto" on the wand that turns the headlights on.
I was only going to be there for a couple more minutes, so I just told him that I couldn't turn them off. We then had the following conversation:
He said "there has to be a way to turn them off."
I said "I'm only going to be here for a couple minutes, and I don't know how to turn them off."
He said "Your lights are right in my friends eyes, and he is losing his game because of them."
I said "I don't know how to turn them off."
He said "Could you move your car then?"
I said "I'm leaving in less than two minutes"
This whole converastion takes place while I am talking on the phone. Normally, I would have just turned off my car, problem solved. Or, I usually I would not have a problem moving my car. The real problem was I have been super stressed and not all that rational as of late. Also the fact that he was trying to get me to focus on him completely while I was on the phone discussing where else we could possibly play tennis and was already planning on moving my car because I was going to be driving away shortly just elevated my frustration with him. Who was this yea-hoo that thought he could tell me what to do. I know what you are thinking...this really isn't a big deal. I know, I really do know, but for some reason I was really annoyed.
Basically, I ended our conversation by rolling up my window while he was trying to tell me how I may be able to turn off my daytime running lights. Hopefully he doesn't have a blog, or he is probably writing about this super bratty girl he met in the parking lot of Kiwanis Park. Anyway, if it was up to me the end of our converastion would have gone like this.
I would say "I'm leaving in just a couple of minutes, and you should tell your friend that this is a lesson on why we switch sides after every odd game in tennis. He should look at me like any other annoying element when you play a sport outdoors...I am the sun, so back off!"
A friend and I had planned to meet at Kiwanis Park at 9:30 tonight to play tennis. I got there a couple of minutes late, and I didn't see her there. I did see that all three courts were already full, and I could see at least three sets of people waiting to play. Obviously the chance of us getting a court in the next 30 minutes or so was slim to none. While I was assessing the situation, someone from one of the courts walked up the hill to my car. I unrolled my window, and he asked if I could turn off my headlights because they were interfering with the tennis game on the courts below. I happily turned my lights off.
At this point, I called my friend, and she said she was on her way. While we were discussing the situation, the same person walked back up the hill and again asked me to turn off my lights. Well, my car has daytime running lights, and while I am sure there is some way, I don't know how to turn them off. There is not an "off" or "auto" on the wand that turns the headlights on.
I was only going to be there for a couple more minutes, so I just told him that I couldn't turn them off. We then had the following conversation:
He said "there has to be a way to turn them off."
I said "I'm only going to be here for a couple minutes, and I don't know how to turn them off."
He said "Your lights are right in my friends eyes, and he is losing his game because of them."
I said "I don't know how to turn them off."
He said "Could you move your car then?"
I said "I'm leaving in less than two minutes"
This whole converastion takes place while I am talking on the phone. Normally, I would have just turned off my car, problem solved. Or, I usually I would not have a problem moving my car. The real problem was I have been super stressed and not all that rational as of late. Also the fact that he was trying to get me to focus on him completely while I was on the phone discussing where else we could possibly play tennis and was already planning on moving my car because I was going to be driving away shortly just elevated my frustration with him. Who was this yea-hoo that thought he could tell me what to do. I know what you are thinking...this really isn't a big deal. I know, I really do know, but for some reason I was really annoyed.
Basically, I ended our conversation by rolling up my window while he was trying to tell me how I may be able to turn off my daytime running lights. Hopefully he doesn't have a blog, or he is probably writing about this super bratty girl he met in the parking lot of Kiwanis Park. Anyway, if it was up to me the end of our converastion would have gone like this.
I would say "I'm leaving in just a couple of minutes, and you should tell your friend that this is a lesson on why we switch sides after every odd game in tennis. He should look at me like any other annoying element when you play a sport outdoors...I am the sun, so back off!"
Friday, May 16, 2008
My assistant Andrew
I have a hilarious assistant named Andrew. Last year, on my birthday, he put my stapler in jello with a note that said "World's Best Boss". This year, on April Fools Day, he covered up the optical sensor on my mouse with a note that said "Happy April Fools Day". Funny pranks are only one of his many great talents, and today I learned about another one of Andrew's talents.
Andrew has an amazing skill that he can say any word backwards. I realize that anyone who can read can probably do this, but Andrew can do it immediately. It is awesome. Any word that you give him, he can pronounce it with the letters in reverse. Some of the words we tested him on are as follow:
Werdna=Andrew
Ecitcarp=Practice
Tnelat=Talent
Htaeh=Heath (Heath is my boss's name)
I am not kidding when I say that he can reverse these words immediately. He does not spend even five seconds reorganizing the letters in his mind before he says the word. He does say that the pronunciation is subjective, like we would discount this skill if we thought he should pronouce something differently.
Werdna si taerg!
Andrew has an amazing skill that he can say any word backwards. I realize that anyone who can read can probably do this, but Andrew can do it immediately. It is awesome. Any word that you give him, he can pronounce it with the letters in reverse. Some of the words we tested him on are as follow:
Werdna=Andrew
Ecitcarp=Practice
Tnelat=Talent
Htaeh=Heath (Heath is my boss's name)
I am not kidding when I say that he can reverse these words immediately. He does not spend even five seconds reorganizing the letters in his mind before he says the word. He does say that the pronunciation is subjective, like we would discount this skill if we thought he should pronouce something differently.
Werdna si taerg!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Web of lies
I have this friend, and for the sake of anonymity, we will call him Bruce. Bruce and I have been talking about going to a cycling class at the gym together. It really hasn't worked out, and we have never been able to go. Last night, we kind of talked about going to the 9:00 class, and I told him that I thought I might be able to make it. Basically, I didn't say no, but I knew in my head that I probably wouldn't go.
Today, I sent Bruce the following text: "Cycling was great. Where were you?". Harmless, right? Well, Bruce sent me a text saying he was late for the class so he ended up going to cardio cinema at another gym. He said he felt bad that we didn't meet up. I said that it was okay, and maybe we could go on another day.
So far this is not a huge deal, other than I made someone feel bad for no reason, and I sent a follow up text saying how great the class was, and that he really missed out, therefore continuing and expanding the original lie. Bruce is going to the cycling class tonight, and asked if I wanted to go. I honestly can't go because I am playing tennis, but when I said this to him, I told him I was playing tennis at 8. Well cycling is from 6 to 7, so if I was playing tennis at 8, I could make it to the 6 o'clock cycling class. I had to text Bruce back and say that I was actually playing tennis at 6, which is true, but now it sounds like a lie to get me out of going to cycling.
I have started down this path of lies, and now my lies sound like truth and my truth sounds like a lie. I need to stop this before it gets out of hand! But, have you ever seen a really intricate spider web? Sometimes they are really cool, and maybe if I lie about enough stuff my web of lies could be really cool too.
Today, I sent Bruce the following text: "Cycling was great. Where were you?". Harmless, right? Well, Bruce sent me a text saying he was late for the class so he ended up going to cardio cinema at another gym. He said he felt bad that we didn't meet up. I said that it was okay, and maybe we could go on another day.
So far this is not a huge deal, other than I made someone feel bad for no reason, and I sent a follow up text saying how great the class was, and that he really missed out, therefore continuing and expanding the original lie. Bruce is going to the cycling class tonight, and asked if I wanted to go. I honestly can't go because I am playing tennis, but when I said this to him, I told him I was playing tennis at 8. Well cycling is from 6 to 7, so if I was playing tennis at 8, I could make it to the 6 o'clock cycling class. I had to text Bruce back and say that I was actually playing tennis at 6, which is true, but now it sounds like a lie to get me out of going to cycling.
I have started down this path of lies, and now my lies sound like truth and my truth sounds like a lie. I need to stop this before it gets out of hand! But, have you ever seen a really intricate spider web? Sometimes they are really cool, and maybe if I lie about enough stuff my web of lies could be really cool too.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Finding Love at the Gym
Last night I was at the gym running on the treadmill, and in order to stay entertained when I run, I frequently people watch. You never really know what you will see at the gym. Last night, I saw a guy leaving the gym with a perfectly manicured faux hawk, and I thought, he probably didn't really work out, but he probably did find some "hot chicks". I always think it is funny to watch guys flex in the mirror, and there was definitely some of that going on. But, the funniest thing was two people who could not contain their love for each other, even while hot and sweaty at the gym.
I don't know about everyone else, but I can't imagine anything grosser than being hot and sticky and then having someone put their arms around me. Yuck. Well, these two were working out on one of the weight machines directly in front of my treadmill, and every five seconds they would kiss. Then, they just stood by the machine and started kissing very passionately. They guy had his arms all the way around the girl for a few minutes. This is right in the middle of the gym!
Anyone who knows me knows that my face does not hide anything. I had a look of pure disgust on my face. I just couldn't look away. It was like a horrible accident that you don't want to see, but you eyes are just drawn to it. Well, the boy involved in this public makeout session looked over toward me and saw the look on my face. I don't think he was even embarrassed, but he took his girlfriend's hand and they walked to a machine a little farther away. I was grateful, but since I had lost my entertainment, I stopped my treadmill and headed home.
I think that might be one of my tests of true love...do I still find him attractive when we have both just worked out and are very stinky. Don't worry, I will never love someone enough to let him makeout with me at the gym.
I don't know about everyone else, but I can't imagine anything grosser than being hot and sticky and then having someone put their arms around me. Yuck. Well, these two were working out on one of the weight machines directly in front of my treadmill, and every five seconds they would kiss. Then, they just stood by the machine and started kissing very passionately. They guy had his arms all the way around the girl for a few minutes. This is right in the middle of the gym!
Anyone who knows me knows that my face does not hide anything. I had a look of pure disgust on my face. I just couldn't look away. It was like a horrible accident that you don't want to see, but you eyes are just drawn to it. Well, the boy involved in this public makeout session looked over toward me and saw the look on my face. I don't think he was even embarrassed, but he took his girlfriend's hand and they walked to a machine a little farther away. I was grateful, but since I had lost my entertainment, I stopped my treadmill and headed home.
I think that might be one of my tests of true love...do I still find him attractive when we have both just worked out and are very stinky. Don't worry, I will never love someone enough to let him makeout with me at the gym.
The Rejector Has Left the Building
Happy Day and Hallelujah! My rejector has moved to another state. I said my final goodbye last night. I wanted it to be a high-five, but as I put up one hand, he extended both of his, so he could hug me. Oh well, at least I don't have to do it again. As I was walking to my car, I started thinking about what I had contributed to our relationship, and what he had contributed. Here is what I came up with...
My contributions to him:
I took him to the airport
I fixed a throw pillow from his couch
I listened to him talk endlessly about buying a new car, which he never actually purchased
I watched a couple of homemade movies that he thought were really cool
I listened to his analysis about various relationships he had been in
His contributions to me:
He publicly insulted me over the pulpit in sacrament meeting
He told me that my favorite hobby was lame
He made fun of a talk I gave in sacrament meeting
He faux rejected me (see earlier post)
Somehow, I think he got the better end of the deal. Note to self, don't let this happen again.
My contributions to him:
I took him to the airport
I fixed a throw pillow from his couch
I listened to him talk endlessly about buying a new car, which he never actually purchased
I watched a couple of homemade movies that he thought were really cool
I listened to his analysis about various relationships he had been in
His contributions to me:
He publicly insulted me over the pulpit in sacrament meeting
He told me that my favorite hobby was lame
He made fun of a talk I gave in sacrament meeting
He faux rejected me (see earlier post)
Somehow, I think he got the better end of the deal. Note to self, don't let this happen again.
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