Blog Problems

I know that I'm not the greatest blogger out there...I don't update that frequently, I never post pictures, and you really won't learn too much about me or my life by reading my blog. When I see things I find interesting or something happens to me that I think is funny, it frequently results in a blog post.
Recently, I have had a few funny things occur, and tonight something that was actually hilarious. Sadly, I haven't blogged about any of them. Why? Well, I am concerned about the readership of my blog. There are a few people in my life who I don't think read my blog, but because of recent events, I am now thinking they might be followers. For example, my mountain man shaved his mountain mad beard. Awesome!! I really don't think he reads my blog, but he shaved right after I blogged about how horrible I think the mountain man beard is. Coincidence? I don't know...
Because of the unknown people who may be reading this, let me just say tonight was hilarious, and I wish I could tell you all about it. Lets just say I was completely out of my comfort zone, drinking diet coke way too late at night, all while trying to avoid doing laundry. Scary.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should

I went to church today, and I was surrounded by mountain men. I'm not kidding, half the guys in my ward have these hideous bushy beards covering their faces. We live in a day and age where we have heaters in our homes and cars. We buy our food at the grocery store and don't have to hunt out in the cold weather to put food on the table. There is no practical reason for the mountain man beard to be so widespread! I look at all these hairy faces around me, and it makes me wonder "what are they thinking?!! Do they not realize they look ridiculous?"
Now, you may want to call me shallow for judging all these boys based on their facial hair choices, but really I'm not. One of my best friends has a mountain man beard. I really like him. We hang out a lot and have a lot in common. I have another friend who always asks me if there is anything else going on between me and first mentioned friend, and my answer is always "no...he has a mountain man beard." I have no problem being friends with a mountain man, but I don't think I could ever see a mountain man and think "wouldn't it be great to kiss that rugged mountain man."
Again, you may think I am shallow, but really I think I am justified. I think these mountain men should realize that just because they are capable of growing a big bushy beard, doesn't mean they should. Just because I am capable of rolling out of bed and heading to work five minutes later, doesn't mean I shouldn't shower, brush my teeth, blow dry my hair, put on makeup, etc. before I leave the house. I think everyone should realize the world would be better off if the mountain men stayed in the 1800's and stop trying to make a comeback in 2009.

Doing Laundry

When I was in college and living in student apartments, I used to have to do laundry in whatever laundry facility was available. Some of you know that the term "doing laundry", which started out meaning actually washing clothes, became synonymous with something else entirely. When you lived in an apartment with six people, sometimes the best place to "do laundry" was in the laundry facility at the apartment complex.
For the last five years or so, I have lived in places where I actually have a washer and dryer readily available and also don't have six roommates. Doing laundry has not been as big of a deal as it used to be.
Recently, my situation changed. I no longer have a washer and dryer in my house, but fortunately for me, I live across the street from a laundromat. Doing laundry is now something I actually have to plan for, and I will do laundry anytime I have a chance. And by that, I mean actually washing my clothes. I haven't actually visited the laundromat yet, as I have been washing my clothes at my mom's house or my sister's house. In an emergency, I have even washed clothes at my friend Natalie's house.
Last weekend, I was leaving my house, and I looked across the street at the laundromat, and there was a person sitting on a bench in front of the building who looked like a transvestite prostitute. I know that sounds harsh, but it was 9:00 in the morning, and the person was in full makeup, super short skirt, purple top, and tall boots. Really weird. I immediately called Natalie and made her go check out the situation. She agreed with my description of said person. I'm not sure if this person was washing their clothes or not, but just seeing her (or maybe him) at the laundromat gives a whole new meaning to "doing laundry".

Effective Communication

Alexis: "hey, can I ask you a question?"
Nicole: "sure"
Alexis: "I am classifying some files in the blah blah blah. Something something something, and some more blah blah blah." Pause, as if waiting for response.
Nicole: "I'm sorry I didn't hear the last 45 seconds of your question."
Alexis: "I've only been talking for 45 seconds."
Nicole: "Yeah, I know."

Two cities and a town

I have been known to add certain words to my vocabulary that make most other people say "huh?". A few of these are things like groshe, sassy pants, "H" no, and rockstar. A few vocabulary items have been making a strong showing lately, and as a service to my friends and family, I am defining them below.

Yum City: The population of yum city is vast and varied. Some of the most recent additions include rice pudding, sweet potato fries w/dipping sauce, and Joel McHale. New residents are always being added, but lime popsicles, snow cones, chic-fil-a chicken nuggets, Dole Whips at Disneyland, and George Clooney are long time residents. I am the leader of yum city, and I can include anything or anyone in the population. Something is included once it is deemed to be "yum city". Example: "mmmm, these french fries are yum city." This also works when referencing people, but people can also be inducted into the community just by called them "yummy". Example: "Jim Halpert is yummy."

Sketch Town: Sketch Town is a location within Shady City. The residents of Sketch Town are slightly mysterious and sometimes a little scary. A new resident was added tonight, and it's name is La Puente. La Puente is a Mexican restaurant located on a dark street, and at 7:00 on a Saturday night it had two guests: me and my friend Natalie. I think the restaurant may be a front for a money laundering operation.

Shady City: The residents of Shady City are more familiar to me and usually make me somewhat uncomfortable. My across the hall neighbor is totally Shady City! I think he is growing pot in his front window, and for the last week or so I thought his wife was dead in their house. I hadn't seen her in awhile, and the most logical conclusion I could come up with was death. It may have been an extreme conclusion, but her husband is Shady City, so I was a little suspicious. I saw her last night, so maybe she was just on vacation or something.

I don't lead Sketch Town or Shady City, I just dictate who resides there. A declaration that something is Sketch Town or Shady City is binding and cannot be undone without an official decree by me. That makes me pretty powerful, so let this serve as a warning...here today, sketch town tomorrow.

Baby Neutral

I'm a single girl who may or may not have children one day. Don't get me wrong, I love my nieces and nephews-they are all super cute, but I am not one of those girls who is baby hungry. I usually don't have strong feelings one way or the other, but sometimes things change. Sometimes my nephews are so cute, I think, how could I not want one of these? Hearing those little voices begging "Aunt Cole" to have a sleepover or jump on the trampoline can make my heart melt. But, those same voices can also get really loud when fighting with each other. And sometimes their hands are really sticky. And don't get me started about changing diapers...actually I couldn't start, I have a no diaper changing policy.
Well, there is something new that is making me tilt toward the no baby side. I work with a girl who had a baby a few weeks ago, and while she was pregnant she entered a contest where she could win a nursery by having the best "baby bump". She posted her picture online, and then everyone if the office went online to vote for her. There were probably 200 entries, so we had to look at a lot of baby bellies, and some were really gross. This didn't really phase me, but that all changed today.
I had a little extra time at work today, and I was reading through some blogs (aka blog stalking), and I came across one from a girl I worked with in college. There was her naked baby filled belly, and it was gigantic. It totally freaked me out. It was like a train wreck, and I couldn't look away. The belly was huge. It was like there was a mutant in there!
I feel like I should have had a different reaction. Why don't I see that belly and think "how beautiful". Instead it makes me think "never". I think I need some serious cute niece and nephew time to push me back to the other side or at least make me baby neutral again.

A few thoughts on candy

As I reflect on this past Halloween season, there are a few important lessons that I have learned.

1. Fun size snickers are the best size snickers. The miniatures are too small and don't have the correct proportion of carmel/chocolate/peanuts/other chewy stuff.
2. Full size twix are the best because there are two. One for now, one for later. Or, both for now.
3. Nerds are too sticky. My nephew Owen tried to share his nerds with me on Halloween night, and when he tried to put them in my hand, they were stuck to his. Gross.
4. Bit-O-Honey are for the mature candy palate. I didn't think I liked them when I was a kid, but now I love them. Especially if they are fresh and still kind of soft.
5. I love candy.